Well, we quit our jobs in Taiwan and are moving to Australia tomorrow.
The short version:
We're leaving because our jobs and life here are not only not good, but straight up bad for our emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Living in Hsinchu is hard, the language barrier makes everything extremely difficult and lonely, and our apartment feels a lot more like a prison cell than a home, especially after coming home from 10 hour work days every day. And that's just no way to spend your first year of marriage.
So, we've decided to pack up and move to Australia for a few months to work with YWAM Newcastle, the same thing I did when I went to Australia 2 1/2 years ago. We need community, rejuvenation, restoration of faith, and some plain ole fun in the sun (Hello, summer!... again). And YWAM is a place where I've found all of that before. After a few months as volunteer missionaries in the land down under, we'll be pretty broke, and we have no idea what we're going to do next. But we're taking a leap of faith and trusting in God's provision - a couple things we haven't done in awhile. And we are really excited to move on from this season of our lives to my favorite place in the world and make this year a real adventure. Cheers, mate!
The long version:
I don't want to spend too much of this post on the negatives, but we do want our family and friends to understand why we're leaving and we want to answer every one's questions in one place. So, to take you all the way back to the beginning, it didn't take long after Lance and I arrived in Taiwan to realize that we never actually wanted to be here in the first place. We never had much interest in traveling to Asia, and we didn't want to be teachers. We came here for the money - the financial stability - and learned quickly that that's a terrible reason for doing anything (if you want to be happy).
Culture shock is a vast understatement for what we have felt in Taiwan. It's a life of constant chaos. No sidewalks, out of control traffic, noise and people and congestion everywhere, a lack of good transportation, dirty streets, awful smells, public bathrooms that I don't want to go into much detail about, questionable-at-best food (you never really know what you're eating), and living in a world where we can't read, speak, or understand the language that surrounds us. It's a success-driven, workaholic, formal education-obsessed culture like we never could have imagined and aren't very interested in. And two people living in an apartment that consists of one room with a bed and bathroom and nothing more is pretty depressing, too. Now, there are some beautiful and great things about Taiwan, don't get me wrong! It has been a good experience and an interesting place to travel to...it's just not a place where we can live and work.
Our jobs involved long days that left us too exhausted to actually have a life during the week. We racked up hours upon hours of mandatory unpaid training, night, and weekend work. We were expected to do more work than anyone could possibly fit into the days, which required us to not give 100% to everything, which we aren't about. The pay was not worth the stress and exhaustion of teaching toddlers and angsty pre-teens and teenagers that had no respect for us, to say the least. Working in an environment where all of our coworkers don't like their jobs and are constantly complaining is not very encouraging. And in the end, we were just morally against having 2-4 year olds in a formal school setting all day long and elementary students in a demanding, bookwork-intense evening class every day after a whole day at their Chinese schools.
Quitting was surprisingly easy and amiable. We left on good terms, and our supervisors at both the kindergarten and cram school were very understanding and helpful through the process and have wished us the best of luck as we move on. We got the idea that this kind of thing happens a lot! And the response of all of the other foreign kindy teachers - expressions of congratulations, good-for-you's, and even a little jealousy - really confirmed that it's not just us. These really are crappy jobs, and we really just aren't cut out for them in this stage of life.
We could have stuck it out for the year, sure. But it would have sucked the lives out of us. We would have continued to dread each day and have our every-other-day complete meltdowns like clockwork. We would have wished away our first year of marriage and slowly withered away into empty, job-hating, workaholics. And we decided that it just wasn't worth it. The
only thing that made our decision to throw in the towel and quit or jobs hard was our own pride. Our resistance to quitting and letting people down and not following through. But we realized that our emotional, physical, and spiritual health and the well-being of our marriage are a little more important than our pride. At one point, amidst the lowest of the low - knowing we needed to get out but letting our pride get the best of us - I looked back at a journal I wrote over a year ago at a silent retreat I went on while I was an intern with Campus Ministry at Grand Valley. We spent a day in complete silence at a place that was quite literally out in the middle of nowhere and allowed plenty of space to be quiet and away and listen to God in a way that I have never been able to before or since. The entry spoke into our current situation with amazing accuracy. So, I will just let the words God gave me a year ago explain why we decided to leave Taiwan now.
October 27, 2012
Well, I went on another really long
hike, so I’m ready to write another novel. I wish I’d known before that if I
want to really hear from God, I just need to hike through the woods for a
while.
Anyways, to start off, we were told
earlier today that the main trail was hit by a tornado a few years ago on the
end furthest away. We were encouraged to think about that a little
metaphorically as we venture out that way and in determining what to do to get
around it.
In my mind, I was thinking, “Eh, a
few fallen trees. I’ll probably have to climb over some trunks and bust through
some branches. Nothing I can’t handle. I’ll just power through it.”
So I take the trail all the way out
and start to see some fallen trees and have to climb around a little. Then, I
get to a point where the trail completely disappears under the rubbish. I stand
there for a while, considering my options. I could try to keep going, which
would probably result in me getting lost. Or injured. Or I could accept defeat,
turn around, and go back exactly the way I came.
This scenario made me think of some friends who recently had short-lived, bad job situations and went through that tough decision in real life. Either push through it and suffer
an emotional, spiritual, and physical downfall or quit. What an ugly word. Quitting has such a negative connotation
in our society, and for good reason. But in some cases, the wisest decision you
can make is to accept defeat and throw in the towel.
I’m reading a lot about the value
of wisdom and understanding in Proverbs right now. It is invaluable – the most
important thing you can have. And part of wisdom is knowing when it’s right to
quit. This is a really challenging concept for me, especially since I place so
much value in following through with the things I say I’m going to do. Like
Taiwan, for example.
Lance and I have told a lot of
people about our plans to go to Taiwan, and I feel like if we don’t do it, we
will be quitting, failing, not following through. But it’s that attitude that
is closing me off to God’s voice and his plan and path for us. It may be
Taiwan, and it may not be. Either way, I have to be okay with it and not focus
on what other people might think about me.
I read an article today about a man
that was drowning in his ministry roles to the point of losing a grip on his
life, relationships, and sanity…sounds familiar. He was doing great things that
he felt led to by God - he was just doing too many. He was even getting his job
done well, but every other part of his life suffered – his family, his
coworkers, etc. He was having a negative effect on everyone and almost lost his
job. With the help of a lot of intervention, he realized that he had to quit
something and give himself room to breathe. He considered quitting the ultimate
form of humility. Being able to accept defeat and feeling like you’re letting
people down and maybe feeling judged, all for the sake of benefiting the
people around you and your own health and sanity – that’s humility. That’s such
an interesting way of looking at it.
So, we are taking a turn down the road of humility. It's easy to feel like we've failed or that we're letting people down by giving up on our Taiwanese adventure. But now that we have come to terms with our decision, we are realizing that this is the real adventure. Putting all of our trust in God, giving up on our plan of security and following His lead, moving to our third continent in our five months of marriage, doing something that will make us happy and not just financially comfortable. My last experience at YWAM Newcastle was something I can hardly put into words. I learned more about faith and community and true adventure than I could have imagined, and on top of it all, I was so happy there! So, I can't imagine a better place to bring us back to life from the hopelessness and desperation we have felt in the last few seasons of our lives.
It's interesting to look back at the blog I posted before heading to Australia to do this very same thing with YWAM two and a half years ago (you can read it
here). In so many ways, this time around is a completely different situation. But in a lot of ways, it's the same - I am taking a big leap of faith and have no idea what to expect. But I am trusting that God has something amazing in store. If you are interested in learning more about what we are getting into, I blogged throughout my experience last time around -
click here! Otherwise, we will continue to update our blog regularly to fill everyone in on what God is doing in Newcastle and in our lives for the next few months, as well.
The last few months have not been easy, to say the least, but we are so excited to be taking the initiative to turn things around. Our visas allow us to stay in Australia up to three months, and we have absolutely no idea what comes next. But I think maybe that's the way it should be. We want to leave room for God to work, and we are trusting that He will. We have already experienced his provision and are confident that he has our backs, as always. Let the adventures continue!
So, please respect the fact that we really don't want to answer a million questions about what went wrong in Taiwan. This hasn't been an easy decision for us to make, but it has been made and we're moving on. While our experience in Taiwan has been difficult, we have learned a lot and will never regret it. We are different and more mature people for having been through it, and we know that we will continue to learn from our time in Taiwan long after it's over. This experience has challenged and strengthened our marriage and has quickly taught us how to be our own family. We also have been able to spend our last few weeks in Asia traveling around Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Macau, and we've had some unforgettable experiences! We hope that everyone can be as excited as we are about how we've grown, the fun times we've had, and for our new endeavor! If you would like to send some prayers our way, it would be greatly appreciated!
With Love,
The Beaudry's
